Column: Jackson’s Favorite Things

A Quirky Start to the School Year 

Back to school: the magical time when Walmart becomes a battlefield, siblings cry over the number of crayons in their box compared to that of Aubrey F. and the first day of school brings about the climactic ending to a summer which was essentially one long Tuesday. This year, I will be channeling my inner Oprah in order to give you a comprehensive list of my favorite things. Please note, however, my word is absolute and final. 

  1. Deafening silence, the tangible kind such as when someone is called on in class but they’ve forgotten they’re still muted.
  2. Learning a new hobby and then learning how hard it is to take up a new hobby.
  3. Watching reruns of Wipeout on YouTube with all of your closest friends (minus one) during your split lunch breaks.
  4. People who wear a mask over their mouth but not their nose, all but negating the mask’s presence.
  5. The Bass Pro Shop Pyramid in Memphis, Tennessee which is largely regarded as the place where the soul of America is laid to rest. But take heed, fair traveller, it is booby trapped throughout by salespeople trying to sell kayaks and bucket hats. 
  6. Being first in line for anything at this point, most especially a contactless drive-thru.
  7. A newfound affinity for oil painting that I pursue during my fourth period class
  8. Any sort of benevolent action meant to further the common good by corporations who also pay their employees as if they only need one, maybe two meals a week.
  9. Day-old French baguettes for $2.39 at your local grocery store. 
  10. The fact that it took a global pandemic for Brophy Administration to realize that separating the staircases in some of the buildings into up and down lanes might be a good idea.
  11. The fact that no Brophy Students realized it was a good idea to walk up the stairs one way and down the other before the pandemic either. 

I hope you, the only person to have actually read this far, have found some solace in the deepest and most profound recesses of my mind during this very unconventional time. I know I have.