Garner laments on backflips and drinking monkey snot

Mr. Fred Garner talks about teaching, family and deep questions

By Greg Goulder ’13

Why Spanish?
Ah, it’s so much fun to teach.  It’s a lot more fun to teach than math.  I’m going to get in trouble for saying that.

Favorite word in Spanish?
I don’t want to steal Schmidbauer’s favorite word.  I’m going to say my favorite word in Spanish is “murciélago,” which means bat, like a flying mammal.

Where were you born?
Green Bay, Wis., as if that’s any mystery.

What type of music do you listen to?
I listen to folk music and I also listen to Ethiopian music.

Can you do a back flip?
Well, now that’s a tricky question, Mr. Goulder.  Before I hurt my shoulder, I would have said yes, but I don’t think I will ever do one again.

Where have you lived other than Arizona?
I have lived in Wisconsin, New York, Illinois and Guatemala.

Question from previous edition of Teacher’s Pet by Mr. John Damaso ’97: If you could trade places with a Brophy teacher or administrator for a day, (laugh, laugh) who would it be, and why? Complete sentences only.
I think it would be somebody with a cool room.
Maybe I’d trade places with Mr. Kelly because I could force students to listen to my music and I could sit and watch them work on their art projects.

Why don’t you have a car?
We did it on purpose.  When we moved here, we bought a house close enough to the school so that we wouldn’t have to have a car.

What do you do on the weekends?
It’s very exciting stuff.  I do housework, I go to church on Sundays,  I plan my classes,  I watch the Packers  and I play with my kids.  Sometimes I’ll take the family up to Manresa when it’s not occupied with retreats.

How can students earn an A in one of your classes?
It’s pretty easy.  Study your vocabulary, study your verb conjugations, try to speak as much Spanish as possible and win the house cup.

What is your favorite movie?
This is completely independent of the movie that is coming up soon, but, ever since the early ’80s, my favorite movie has been “Tron.” And I’m not jumping on the bandwagon because “Tron Legacy” is coming up.  I can quote along for hours.

Why won’t you accept my friend request on Skype?
I don’t have time to Skype with you.

Have you considered a career in the circus?
I’ve never been in the circus.

Are you sure?
I have never been in the circus.

Where did you learn acrobatics?
I was never in the circus.

I sense something hidden there.
I was never in the circus.

Can I ask where you learned your back flips and handstands?
Not from the circus.

Pose a question for the next teacher in “Teacher’s Pet.”
Would you rather slide down a razor blade slide into a pool of alcohol, or drink a bucket of monkey snot, and why?