By Daniel Robb ’10
Hi—wait—do girls prefer hi or hello?
We prefer bows more than anything. Just be a gentleman, for the love of God.
Okay, what’s your name?
I’m a junior.
What’s your favorite animal?
Well today in French class we actually looked up a “teacup pig,” and although I’m pretty sure it’s genetically modified to be that way and won’t last for more than three years, it was definitely really cute.
Your favorite mythological god?
Probably Juno. She was Zeus’ wife, so, supposedly pretty hot.
Oh golly. Well I suppose the theatre would be my hobby, in general.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Well. You guys are asking all the hard questions. When I grow up I probably want to be a theatre director. Wouldn’t that be fun? I’ll put you in all the plays.
What is your favorite holiday?
Favorite holiday—Chrissymas. All the family time.
“Chrissymas”? How do you spell that?
Why isn’t it Valentine’s Day?
Ha! Because Valentine’s Day is—silly.
Well, what do you think about Valentine’s Day?
It’s, well, it’s nice—when you have someone to love you. And, when you don’t have someone to love, it’s pretty sad.
Do you often find yourself listening to the Queen song “Need Somebody to Love?”
You have no idea how many times a day I listen to that song.
Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day?
Well, would you consider sitting at home watching “The Notebook” eating chocolate—plans?
Do you have a secret admirer?
You tell me, ha ha ha.
Are YOU a secret admirer?
Um—well it wouldn’t be a secret if I told anybody!
If you could break any rule, what would it be?
Oh! Ok, I love this law—I would go to Mississippi, and I would just preach to random people on the street about the meaning of the word “polygamy.”
Editor’s note: Mississippi state law prohibits anyone from teaching others about polygamy with possible fines of up to $500 and/or six months in prison.
OK, well thank you for your time.
Thank you very much, gentlemen. (pause) Bow to me!
Roundup reporter Dallas Ducar ’10 contributed to this interview.