By Michael Mandeville ’11
THE ROUNDUP

Could I get your name for, you know, legal purposes?

What legal purposes? Ugh, Katie Grinstead.

We have a strict code here.

What code? I’m unaware of any rules The Roundup is following, consider you—

That’s confidential. Anyway, how’s your semester coming along?

Pretty well, I’ve been keeping up with my work, maybe a little more than others seem to be.

No, no, how’s your semester coming along?

Didn’t I just answer that?

Did you? Huh. So I hear you have a pretty broad range of interests and hobbies. Can you confirm this? I want to know whether or not I’m wasting my time.

I can, with my blocks of wood with your face burned into them.

What sort of hobbies are you partaking in? I like this.

Just the norm for any 18-year-old: wood-burning on only the finest ember, that being Brazilian blood wood and walnut, knitting and crocheting, to name a few.

Brazilian blood wood? Fascinating, that reminds me, what is your favorite “Dragon Ball Z” saga?

We are not going to discuss that.

The fact that you know what I’m talking about leaves me rather suspicious. You know what, I’ll answer for you. “Cell.” Why? Because unlike the other sagas where the story line drags on and on, “Cell” accurately depicts the maturing Sayan struggle …

I’m sorry, who are you interviewing? Please, don’t do this to me.

But—Gohan, his performance is just so—amazing.

Next.

Okay, my apologies. So not to continue in a similar vein, but what is your “Live” username? I’m, I mean, the Brophy populous is, into that kind of thing.

Even if I had one, you probably wouldn’t want to face off and embarrass yourself: 14 prestige, a K-D ratio through the roof and not to mention a “Triple Bankshot Tomahawk kill.” Of course this isn’t actually real?

Wow, that’s irresistible. Do you, um, by chance have any love interests?

Seriously?

Kind of?