“Birdemic: Shock and Terror”—starring Alan Bagh and Whitney Moore
2 out of 10
By Cameron M. Bray ’16 & Chase L. Manson ’16
“Birdemic: Shock and Terror” is one of those beautiful paradoxes you find in life.
Objectively, it stands as one of the worst films ever created. But subjectively, it is one of the most enjoyable films you will ever watch.
It falls into that fun category by being so bad, so unbelievably terrible, that it is insanely entertaining to watch.
Throughout the film, you will constantly find yourself asking the same questions: why and how?
Why did the director think this was good idea? How did this even get released? Did any of the cast members or the producers even bother to actually watch this movie after it was finished?
These questions will constantly poke at your mind as you watch one of the worst movies in film history.
The weird thing about “Birdemic” is that it feels like two movies, nay two plots, that have joined together in an unholy union.
Here’s what we mean: The first 47 minutes of the movie (before the birds actually appear) prominently and shamelessly feature a crappy romance between two of the most wooden actors in history.
We’re not kidding. They act and behave as if they were aliens disguised as humans trying to ingratiate themselves into human society.
They act and behave not quite as humans, but as something bizarre and uncanny.
Set in the Silicon Valley, the first half of the plot follows the romance between Rod, a young software salesman, and Natalie, a Victoria’s Secret model.
Altogether the first half of the plot is boring (although it is funny in some places due to its terribleness) and it doesn’t really seem to go anywhere.
Plus, there are way too many car scenes.
They even show a scene of Rod gassing up his car. Again, it raises the question: Did anyone actually edit this film before it was released?
The plot definitely doesn’t go anywhere because, by the time the second act rolls around, the romance is completely thrown out a 10-story window in favor of a bizarre apocalypse story featuring—you guessed it—birds.
The birds attack, and the plot crumbles. Rod, Natalie and some newfound friends pretty much just wander around for a while, occasionally being attacked by the birds, before the whole thing ends.
Now, you may be asking why the birds chose to suddenly attack humans.
Well, the movie tries to explain, weakly, that the whole birdemic thing is the result of global warming.
What? Where did that come from? We hope that Al Gore has the answer.
In addition, not only does the film attack global warming deniers, but also the Iraq War.
Again, what? Utterly ridiculous.
The film fails to answer key questions making the audience really annoyed and confused. The more they try to explain, the more it hurts our little brains.
However, the movie’s weak plot and wooden actors are not the worst and most hilarious aspects of “Birdemic.” That award has to go to the birds.
The birds are poorly rendered CGI eagles and 2-D sprites, and they explode upon impact with the ground with—get this—literally a plane dive sound effect.
Besides the reasons above, the sound and video editing is astonishingly horrible. When the guns “shoot” you have to cover your ears to protect your hearing.
In short, the movie’s title, “Birdemic: Shock and Terror,” might have been appropriate if it read, “Birdemic: Hilarity and Utter Ridiculousness,” because that is what it is. And for that it gets a 2 out of 10.
We would give a 1 due to the talent involved but we felt the need to add another point due to pure enjoyability.
As a side tip from us, you should definitely watch it anyway; you will not regret it.