THE ROUNDUP
By Cooper Parson
It’s finally happening, our parents, the school systems and the government are begging us to stay inside and watch Netflix. That’s right, it’s COVID-19, and we have all lost our minds. Celebrities are singing ‘Imagine’ to us, the country is fighting over toilet paper and preppers can finally say they were right. Feel like you’re reading a Stephen King book yet? Same here! If you’re feeling a little panicked and outwitted by this whole ordeal, take a deep breath. And just remember, there are still 20 somethings out and about partying for spring break, so there will always be someone more unprepared, more inconsiderate and all around more dull than you in the world. So, here are a few of my favorite things that bring a smile to my face in these trying times:
Anyone participating in an Instagram challenge making it easier for me to know who I should unfollow
The movie “Contagion” is now a documentary
Spiders
Getting out of bed is actually a noteworthy accomplishment
Putting together puzzles is fun now
Things you would normally do to help yourself fall asleep are now entertaining past times
Watching yourself gain weight as if it’s a game: “First one to a new belt loop wins!”
Thinking about which family member you’re going to eat first
Watching every one of those craft Snapchat “shows”
Organizing your clothes by color, alphabetically and then alphabetically by color
Trying to figure out how to make it look like you weren’t asleep eight seconds ago after logging into your first class.
The wonders of all-American, red blooded public access daytime television
Sitting down and writing complaint letters to all the companies and people who have ever wronged you.
Prank calling A-F in the phone book
Really could go on forever here. Anyone else starting to think this year is when we find out we’re all in our own personal version of the “Truman Show”? I mean at least this is some elaborate “Inception” dream within a dream sorta deal. This will read in a history book like we just gave it to Quentin Tarantino and said, “Go wild!” But, in all honesty, stay safe out there and try not to strangle a family member or punch an old woman for Lysol. Happy Apocalypse!
